How I got dumped (again) and how Tracee Ellis Ross got it right

I'm confused.

I'm confused about why men are not doing better. And by that, I mean doing better at being the best humans they can be.

I mean, I'm not confused by this deep and cyclical system of oppression woven into the fabric of society that continues to "put women in their place," and gaslights us into thinking that we're making shit up and being babies and crying wolf and -- basically insert any cliche about women making a big deal out of something that IS ABSOLUTELY A BIG DEAL.

I get that. That all makes sense to me. In light of the current political nightmare we're living in, dominated by misogyny and the continued oppression of women, of women speaking up and out about injustices and sexual assault and systemic inequality and inequity, I guess what I'm actually confused about is why I continue to date. More accurately, TRY to date.

And I'm tired of being silent about trying to date and about feeling like I'm failing at it. About how very aware I am that this feeling of failure goes right back to the PATRIARCHY. That sometimes I'm even ashamed to admit that I want to find a great guy and fall in love. So this post is about how I got dumped again and was not treated with common human decency for what feels like the BILLIONTH time. How some guy withheld information that tipped the power dynamic of this new relationship -- a relationship that had barely just begun -- in his favor.

So yeah, instead of being silent about being dumped for the billionth time -- because I'm supposed to be embarrassed that I'm undesirable and gullible and didn't trust my gut and bought some asshole's lies -- here it is: I GOT DUMPED. AGAIN. 

And while I know this guy is maybe not actually an asshole, and we were just getting to know each other, his behavior was unacceptable and the choices he made were poor ones. And yes, people are human and we all make mistakes. I'm all about the complexities and layers and multiple truths living in each person that dictate the choices we make. It can be really hard to to make the right choices. I get it. But how about treating people with common decency and respect, EVEN THOUGH it can be hard? When it's hard is when it counts. When it's hard is when it's the right thing to do. When it's hard is what makes us stronger, makes us connect more deeply, helps us learn things about ourselves, and (gasp!) maybe even demonstrates that someone else is equally as important as you.

MEN: your ego is not more important than my ego. And it is certainly not more important than my dignity and my right to be treated with respect. DO BETTER.

It's already tough being a 43-year old single, straight woman who has no aspirations of getting married and having kids without adding the unacceptable dating protocol for men in 2017. Tracee Ellis Ross got it so right in her speech at the Glamour Women of the Year Summit last week: "So here I am sorting out what MY LIFE looks like when it’s fully mine. It takes a certain bravery to do that. It means risking being misunderstood, perceived as alone and broken, having no one to focus on, fall into or hide behind, having to be my own support and having to stretch and find family love and connection outside of the traditional places." This could not be more real -- or more true -- for me.

And as this pertains to my dating life, I'm done being ok with mediocrity. I'm done being quiet about my heart getting broken and the mistakes I make. I'm also done not trusting my gut when I feel something's not quite right for fear that I'll drive some man away. That MY LIFE and my fabulousness, which includes all of my feelings and my beauty -- and yes even all of my flaws -- will come forth in full force and I will not accept anything less than men who do better.